Plan B

Ok, so a few days have passed and I have had a chance to formulate my thoughts. This post may still be all over the place, but I hope you get the gist of where my heart is.

2 Timothy 4:7
I have fought the good fight, I have finished the race, I have kept the faith.

I feel like the divorce is bittersweet. Yes, it is sad that my marriage has come to an end and my family is broken, but the man I have been legally married to for the last 8 months is not the man that I married years ago. So, in a way, I feel relief; a sense of freedom. I fought to sustain my marriage, I honored my vows and I not only kept the faith, but I grew my faith! So now that the race is over I will hang up my wedding ring and look towards the future.

By the divine arrangement of God, a friend sent me a book to read called 'Plan B'. I am only about half way into it, but the timing was perfect. The front cover reads "What do you do when God doesn't show up the way you thought He would?" And as I stare down the path that doesn't look so paved anymore I find myself asking that very question. I was so sure God was going to... or maybe He would...or He might even... As I look back on all those assumptions I realize I was still putting God in a box with my finite mind. Again, where is my abundant mind set that I started with as the year 2010 opened? So, I will resolve to adopt that mind set, yet again, and give God the freedom to work however He wishes.

As I think about my Plan B and giving God complete control, I remember a book I read in college titled 'When God writes your love story'. The theme was preparing yourself for a Godly spouse and also choosing a Godly mate, and I spent a year or so reading and studying this topic to be ready to be the wife God called me to be. Even as I write this I hear Satan whisper, "that didn't work out too well for you, did it?", but I also hear God say, "I can not force anyone to love Me, and I work all for good". But anyways, I will once again put the pen into the hand of the Author of romance for Him to script the next chapter in my love story. In most novels there is that moment of sadness and then the rest of the book is building up to the happy ending!

As I think about my "happy ending" my first thoughts go to getting remarried. But that would imply I needed a man to be happy or even to complete this story. Now, don't get me wrong, I can't wait to have someone to spoil and love and adore, but that doesn't make my happy ending, that's just icing on the cake. Isn't the happy ending being released from a marriage where the head of my family is behaving like an non-believer, isn't the happy ending being available to move forward with Christ with nothing holding me back? I never would have choosen this route, but here I am in Plan B and God has done nothing but protect me every step of the way, so my happy ending is now!! I know I will have the love story I dream about and the man that will serve as head of our family just as Christ is, I just have to wait for it and be confident that God knows my heart and has given me the desires in my heart.

I want to thank all of you that have been following the blog and me the boys through this. Your prayers and support have been invaluable! I hope that you will continue to check in on us from time to time because I would hate for you all to miss the next chapter God is busy writing.