Crave

It's hard to believe that the year is starting to wind down. I haven't blogged much on my word of the year, but I sure have learned a lot. And I think for all that I have learned, I have asked that many more questions that I am still wrestling with.   I came across this book several months back and have read it several times because the information was so good and hard to digest after just one reading!! 

Before I chose CRAVE as my word for 2012 I was searching for an answer to the question: How do you crave God in good times? I figured by choosing that word I could spend the year trying to find that answer and also to crave God daily like I did three and a half years ago when my life turned upside down.   After reading this book, I don't think it works that way exactly.  It's not a matter of just seeking Him more, like on a schedule or through a routine, but more of deepening my relationship with Him.  Which makes it more difficult, because I can keep to a schedule like nobody's business, but more rewarding by far!

The chapter that seemed to stick out the most with me was the suffering chapter.  The author mentioned realizing that through his own suffering he drew closer to God and in the good times he grew away.  So he began to pray for suffering in order to keep himself dependent on God.  Although his suffering wasn't anything major, it was enough to keep him focused on God and His abilities and off of himself and his inabilities.  I wrestle with praying for suffering because I am scared of what God will do, which is silly because I know He has proven His faithfulness to me, yet still I have a hard time praying for suffering, so that is still a work in progress.

I also took a look at my life to see what suffering I did have and in what ways I have given God control of it.  What I found was that I have been asking God to take that specific thing away because it makes my life more difficult.  I don't like drama and it seems to keep my life a little more theatrical than I care for, but I started looking at it differently after reading that chapter on suffering.  The author pointed me to 2 Corinthians 12 where Paul talks about the thorn in his flesh and that even though he prayed for it to be taken away, it wasn't and Christ reminded him that His grace is sufficient.  I am really trying to remember those words and instead of wasting all my energy praying for it to be taken away, I try to pray for God's grace to be enough and to use those times to draw closer to God.

Plumb has a new song that really spoke to this same topic.  It's called Need You Now.  The chorus says "How many times have you heard me cry out "God please take this"? How many times have you given me strength to just keep breathing?"  I don't know that God is always as interested as we are in keeping life comfortable.  I think He would rather us keep depending on Him daily then to take all our "thorns" away.  And when the "thorns" are not life altering and I feel like I am in a peaceful place I think God wants us to serve those around us who are suffering.  Through the serving, I stay close to God and crave Him in a different way.  As a prayer warrior or servant for others I seek God on their behalf  and I have enjoyed practicing this.  It's so easy for me to fall into "good times" and to start feeling self reliant and forget why I am here. 

Like I said, I still have a ton to work through on this topic, but I have enjoyed wrestling through this feelings.  And whether I'm in a place of suffering or in a place of peace, I feel like I have the tools I need to continue to crave God everyday.