Happy Birthday, Teague

What a fast year this has been. Teague is an absolute dream!! He is so sweet and playful and laid back. He is everything we prayed for and God provided it. Only God knew what this first year of his life would bring and He provided!! He is so faithful. Teague has taken some steps walking, but I am still waiting for him to just take off. He watches Troy very intently and, just like Troy, he has to study how everything works. He is my little Teaguesters and I love him so much!

My devotional

I wanted to share my devotional from today.

"Waiting on Me means directing your attention to Me in hopeful anticipation of what I will do. It entails trusting Me with every fiber of your being, instead of trying to figure things out yourself. Waiting on Me is the way I designed you to live: all day, every day. I created you to stay conscious of Me as you go about your daily duties.

I have promised many blessing to those who wait on Me: renewed strength, living above one's circumstances, resurgence of hope, awareness of My continual Presence. Waiting on Me enables you to glorify Me by living in deep dependence on Me, ready to do My will. It also helps you to enjoy Me; in My Presencce is fullness of joy"

I love the very first line the most. Here is the definition of anticipate: to expect; look forward to; be sure of. If my future was not bright, God would not tell me look forward to it. That is exciting to me! Today I will strive to do less planning and evaluating and do more trusting and thanking God that He is SO big and SO good!

Best Friends

2010

I was able to enjoy some time with life long friends over the last weekend. Tanna, Tara, Laura and myself have been connected at the hip since middle school. We did everything together! The three of them even went to OBU while I went to Tech through college but that didn't separate us, and now we are all spread out over the state and with Tara in China, and that still cannot separate us! I am truly blessed to have these girls in my life. They are like sisters to me!
1998



I also got to spend some time with Jenna at her bachelorette party. We have also been life long friends starting in kindergarden all the way through being college roommates. We have had great memories and I can't wait to watch her walk down the aisle to add to our collection!

Being used by God

Here is the promo video for my church's upcoming sermon series. I am so humbled to have been used by God to touch others lives and maybe help others in my situation. The full video will come later in April, so stay tuned!!

Kite Festival

Today was gorgeous outside so the boys and I enjoyed for the Kite Festival after church. What I thought was going to be a few hours at the park turned out to be all afternoon and into the early evening! There were so many people and taking the shuttle alone took over an hour both ways! It was crazy, but we had a blast. Between eating our picnic lunch, flying Troy's kite, playing on the playground, and people watching, it was a full day!
Teague doesn't look too thrilled here!
Troy's shirt says FUNNY on it and Teague's says HUNGRY...and here Teague is shoveling in the pretzels!! :)

This is just a glimpse of all the kites. There were hundreds of them spotting the sky!

Troy found this spiderman kite he wanted to do himself, and he did fantastic. I would just throw it up and he did the rest! I was so surprised!

Mission Statement

My church did a sermon series awhile back concerning personal mission statements. There was a booklet with 4-5 different activities that all led to the writing of one statement. Your personal mission statement will answer: Who am I? Why am I here? What am I to be about? This one statement can answer all 3 questions. For some reason, I missed the very last sermon where we wrote our statements, so last weekend I put alot of thought into what God wanted my statement to be. I went back and looked at the activities I had done months before, and I realized, the mission statement I am about to write will be SO different then the one I probably would have written if I had finished this activity months prior. I am so different and my walk with God is so different and my goal in life is so different. I know I have said this before, but I am certain my greatest misery will become my greatest ministry. My mission statement is on my header so I can remember daily what I want from life, how God wants to use me today, and why I was created.

Get Real Mondays!

So my friend Tanna challenged us all to "get real" on our blogs with Get Real Mondays. I feel like I have been alot more transparent over the last 6 months with my postings, but over the last week I have heard several comments from friends about my lack of anger. So, I asked a few of my closest friends how they would view my blog if I didn't talk to them on a regular basis. The overall consensus seems to be that I am handling things really well and that I am stronger than the average person would be in this situation. This is so far from the truth. So here is where I "get real!"

I am daily struggling with my anger. In an average day here are the thoughts that bombard my mind:
~How does someone get so blinded to the devil's work?
~Why hasn't God stepped in and saved the day yet?
~How could a dad leave two sons?
~Why do I have to take the high road?
~Where is the immediate fruit from taking the high road?
~When will God's vengeance be laid down?
~Will I get to witness His justice being served?
~How is this fair for two young boys who don't deserve this?

I could continue but my blood pressure is rising just typing all of this. 90% of the time my mind and heart are focused on God and His promises for me, but the other 10% of the time the anger wells up so great in me I think I might explode. I call my closest friends and family to cry, scream, and yell. And the things they tell me are just what I need to hear. I realize my anger is natural and even ok, but it's what I do with my anger that sets me apart. To be honest, some days I fear I may end up in jail, but as they talk to me I hear them holding me to God's standards of a mature Christian woman. I can choose to let my anger control me or I can take that anger to God and see what He can do about it. And, truth be told, my anger is usually AT God. "Where are you? Step in!! Protect me!!" But He IS doing all those things, just in His way and in His time.

For me, the anger is best released through exercise. I love to exercise, running primarily, and I have noticed this is a great outlet for me! One day I ran so long and hard that I had bleeding blisters! I guess I lost track of time, but I felt better because running is where I hear God the clearest. I came across another name God uses for Himself, El Roi - a God who sees. This name for God conveys so much. I don't have to worry about my reputation or what others are getting away with because my God sees! And I find comfort in that.

I hope for those that read this blog and feel like I am handling this well, please know God alone has given me strength, forgiveness and self control, otherwise someone might be having to post my bail! ;)

Proverbs

I read alot out of the book of Proverbs. It has many verses on just daily living that I really enjoy. My favorite chapter however is Proverbs 31. I have always wanted to be a Proverbs 31 woman. The whole chapter talks about her role as a woman, wife and mother and how in each role she is outstanding and hard working. My favorite verse is Proverbs 31:28-29 "Her children praise her and with great pride her husband says, "There are many good women, but you are the best!"" I have met many Proverbs 31 women. I can spot them by the way their husbands look at them; such affection, appreciation, respect. I have always wanted Daniel to look at me that way. Oh, he was appreciative and respectful but his gaze was different than that of the men that look upon their wives as Proverbs 31 women. I realize marriage and life and spirituality is a journey so I started to pray that I would become that woman and to one day earn that kind of a gaze.

There is also another woman described in Proverbs. I will call her the Proverbs 5 woman. Have you ever read it? If not, I encourage you to stop and read it now. What a drastic difference!!

Over the last few months I have encountered many situations like mine or similar to mine from women close to me. Each time I hear another story, I feel angry. Since when is a wedding ring an invitation for a come-on? When did being a married man become "sexy"? Why does a single woman think she has ANY business contacting a married man at all? I am angry that women would do this to one another, angry that the Proverbs 5 woman even exists, and angry that Satan knows just how to use her. It's crazy to me that the Bible was written so many years ago but that the character of the Proverbs 5 woman was included, and since ALL the Bible is 100% true, I can stand firm in the fact that chapter 5 is truth. Somehow that gives me peace.

So to all the Proverbs 31 women out there, let me share something that I found liberating. In my readings I came across a chapter called 'The God who reclaims the sacred.' It talks of satan entering into sacred places, holy institutions. And you know his number one place of destruction is holy matrimony. We give vows, make promises, not only to one another but also to God and I'm sure satan has a smirk on his face just waiting to make a mess of something we treasure so deeply. But Jesus reclaims the holy. He will not sit silent long while satan rips the sacred. At the perfect moment Jesus will stand and speak and when He does, satan will stumble and fall silent. Just read the story about what happened in Gethsemane. (John 18) When Jesus speaks, satan falls. Take heart in knowing that Jesus will reclaim the holy. It might not look exactly how we thought it would, but Jesus will not fail us. I encourage all the Proverbs 31 women in my similar situation to cling to Jesus and leave the results up to Him.

God always provides

The last week has been difficult. My thoughts have been occupied with many changes and decisions going on, as well as finalizing the paperwork for a divorce I don't want to occur. On top of all that, our household has been under the weather. It was only for a couple of days so I am assuming it was the dreaded 24 hour bug that has been going around. In my morning prayers I asked for strength to be able to get through the day feeling awful while caring for two others who feel awful as well. I picked up my "Letters to My Princess Bride' book and here is what I read...

My Princess Bride,
I want you to celebrate life with Me. There are so many amazing things we have to look forward to, so don't let this world keep you from celebrating who you are and the wonderful things to come, My beloved. The things that seem sorrowful now will soon be over, but the joys to come will last forever! So stop for a moment. Do something to celebrate the love relationship we have together. Imagine our great and glorious wedding day, and as you do, let your heart bask in the beauty to come.
Love,
You Prince and Joy

After reading this I knew not only would He get me through the day somehow, but that I need to remember that His plans for me and my future are amazing!! I wanted this year to be one of abundant faith, and the last week I have not had this. This letter was just what I needed to hear to get back on track.

So here is where my Husband surprised me. At about 1:30pm my friend Jenny called to see if I was home because she was coming by to drop something off from her Front Porch. (we call our small groups at church Front Porches) So I told her to come on by! I was blown away when she brought over a basket filled with ALL the necessities for being sick. I felt so loved by my friends!! I also felt taken care of by God. "In sickness and in health" are the words I heard Him whisper to me. What an amazing Man that I am in love with!!


Do you notice something else that is included in the basket??? A purple orchid! I don't know if they knew purple flowers are my favorite, but God does! :)

Snow

It's crazy that we were enjoying dinner on the grill Sunday and then having snow ball fights on Tuesday! Here are some of our activities!!

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Guilt vs. Regret

I have been thinking alot about the difference in guilt and regret and here is what I have come up with...

Guilt is knowing you are doing something not God honoring, where regret, a step further, is having participated in the less than God honoring activity and wishing you could change the outcome.

Both are used by the Holy Spirit to change our direction, but both are also used by the devil to hold us captive. Max Lucado says "Guilt is a healthy regret for telling God one thing and doing another. To feel guilt is not a tragedy, but to feel no guilt is!!" Wow, how true. That still, small voice is a great feeling if you respond to it, but if you don't, you are setting yourself up for trouble. I love the example Lucado uses with the apostle, Peter.

"Luke tells us that Peter followed Jesus from a distance. Not too close, yet not too far. The disciples chose the left side of the road and ran. Jesus chose the right side of the road and obeyed. But Peter chose the yellow stipe down the middle. BIG mistake. He would have been better off in the shadows with the disciples. He would have been better off in the courtyard with his master. But instead Peter is warming his hands on the devil's hearth.
With each denial Peter inches closer to the edge of the canyon...until the ground gives way and he falls. Have you been there? Have you felt the ground of conviction give way beneath your feet? The ledge crumbles, your eyes widen, and down you go. Now what do you do? You could stay in the canyon. Many do. Many live their lives in the shadows. Many never return. Some dismiss their deeds. "Well, everyone has a little slip now and then." Some deny their deeds. "Fall? Me? Are you kidding? These aren't bruises. These aren't cuts. I'm as healthy as I've ever been. Me and Jesus? We are tight.? Some distort their deeds. "I'm not to blame. It's his fault. It's society's responsibility. If the people hadn't asked me, I wouldn't have answered. Don't point the finger at me." When we fall, we can dismiss it, deny it, distort it, or we can deal with it. Luke adds a chilling phrase to his account of Peter's denial of Christ. When the cock crowed, "the Lord turned and looked straight at Peter." (Luke 22:61)"

I can't imagine Peter's guilt at that moment. To look right into Jesus' eyes and know He knows. To know that you let Him down. I've been there too many times, but luckily I've never physically had to look God in the eye, that would be unbearable I think.

As Peter met Jesus' eyes he left and cried painfully. Here is his confession, every tear a cry out for God to forgive and restore. But what if Peter didn't confess, he would have missed what God had intended for his life. Think how many lives would have gone untouched.

We all find ourselves in canyons at times. I think we have two choices, first, let God pull us out and, through His grace, use us to minister to others through the pain that we encountered there, or second, we can stay in the canyon and live a life full of regret.

GNO

It was Girl's Night Out this Monday and we had a blast, like always. We have a place in town that has Monday Night Martini's, Manicures, and Appetizers. It was alot of fun to hang out with the girls and laugh until your stomach and cheeks hurt! Thanks girls!!!

According to Him

Have you ever listened to a song through "redeemed ears?" I have heard the song 'According to you' before, but never how I heard it this morning. Through redeemed ears I heard Him reminding me of my worth through His eyes and to not let the lies of the enemy penetrate my heart. I love when He speaks to me in new ways, and especially when He tells me I'm beautiful! :) I have put the song on my play list, so enjoy the lyrics in a new way!

Super Bowl Party

My church hosted a Super Bowl Party again this year with a Chili cook off and a dessert bake off. Graffiti (the youth group I lead) wanted to enter into the bake off so they voted on a cake a few Sundays back. I brought what I baked that morning and they iced it and added the letters. It didn't win, but it was a great bonding experience. When we began teaching the youth 2 years ago we averaged 7-8 kids, now I am up to 30+. It's amazing what God is doing with those kids, and I am honored to be apart of it.







Oh and here is Teague's faux hawk! He is so handsome!!

Addendum

After thinking about my last post I had an addendum to my thoughts. My last line said that God waits, just as I do. This is untrue.

God pursues.

I am reading a book by Max Lucado called 'A Gentle Thunder' and God showed me He is not idle in my situation, even though I feel like I am. Here is what Lucado writes,
"God will whisper. He will shout. He will touch and tug. He will take away our burdens; He'll even take away our blessings. If there are a thousand steps between us and Him, He will take all but one. But He will leave the final one for us. The choice is ours. Please understand, His goal is not to make you happy, but to make you His.
Consider these verses in John 1:38-43
Jesus turned...
Jesus asked...
Jesus answered...
Jesus looked...
Jesus decided...
Jesus found...
It's clear who does all the work. He may use a sermon or a conversation or a song, but it is He who calls us."

Wow, a God that runs after us all the time, even when we turn from Him over and over and over. His love for us is so great and I am so thankful that He doesn't sit and wait, but rather uses whatever means necessary to get our attention and bring us back to Him.

Questions

I have days where my mind races. Alot of questions, none with real answers, and everyone of them points back to God. My most recent round of questions started like this...
"Why does this hurt so bad? When will it stop hurting? If my complete trust is in God should this be hurting at all? Will God do the one thing that I want so that I will stop hurting?"

I then hear from Him, "I am hurting too."

It never occurred to me that the decision that was imparted on me, was also imparted on God. I know the Bible talks about being a lukewarm Christian and how this angers God.

Revelation 3:16
"So, because you are lukewarm—neither hot nor cold—I am about to spit you out of my mouth."

But what about turning completely away from Him? Many days I feel Him empathizing with me in the way that He is being rejected too, and not just currently, in my own situation, but by many today and many in the past and future. I know He desperately wants those relationships with Him repaired.

Does God cry?

I know God is God and can do anything, but at the same time in His true love for us He gave us volition, a choice, our choice. He will not force Himself on anyone, as He is a Gentleman. I bet His heart aches much more than mine. So the answer to the question "Will God do the one thing that I want so that I will stop hurting?" is, it's not up to God. He sits and waits just as I do.

Dancing

Here is Troy and his latest "dance" to his favorite song, the opening of Go Diego Go. He is pretty acrobatic!!

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Purple flowers

Thinking back, every boyfriend I have ever had has always given me purple flowers of some sort. Purple is my favorite color and lavender roses are just so beautiful, but receiving purple flowers of any kind is so special to me.

As the boys and I get situated in our new surroundings we have gone exploring a few times, looking for new parks and trails to walk on. We headed down one path with a park in site pretty far up ahead and, of course, Troy blasts off on his bike ahead of me. I take that time to enjoy my surroundings in quiet as I push Teague in the stroller, while keeping an eye on my super hero on wheels ahead of us. It was a gorgeous day, cool and sunny, but no need for a coat. As I walked, the grass was green, the birds chirping, the sun warm, but then I noticed...one single purple flower. Against the green grass it was brillant and stood out. I smiled as my heart warmed and I knew it was from God. The entire path ahead was peppered with these purple flowers. I fought back tears and savored the moment quickly as Troy was loudly calling out to me, "Hurry up, Mom."

We deviated off that path and onto another, no flowers. To the park with the swings for Troy to play, no flowers. Until it was time to leave and we returned to the path to take us home and again I enjoyed my gift. It amazes me that God knew I would walk that particular path and decided to surprise me! I picked a few and brought them home in an attempt to keep them alive as a reminder. They were withered within a few hours, but I know I will never forget how special God made me feel on our walk that day.

He is the Author and Creator of romance and love, makes me wonder what He has planned for Valentine's Day?!

TnT

After writing Troy and Teague over and over the other day I decided to shorten it to T and T, and after saying it, it came out as TnT. Here are a few pics of my dynamite boys!



Teague driving


Troy and Bodie sliding

Family fun!

Happy Teague

Home is where your heart is

God continues to shower down blessings for me and the boys. We recently moved into a new home. Our new place has more square footage, for less money! Only God can do that! My parents came to help, along with the men in my church, the Band of Brothers. Once the men got there it literally took an hour for them to disassemble, load, get to the new place, unload, and reassemble. You would have thought they were professionals! And not one thing was broken!! I am so thankful that I was able to depend on them when my family needed it the most. Here are lots of pictures of the moving process and of the new house!! We love it!


Troy helping out

Some of the Band of Brothers

Some of the youth guys even came out to help.



Chris is always looking for a good time!





Here is the living room with a glimpse of my room, the kitchen and dining, and the office/sitting area.

The boys' rooms are both upstairs. Teague's room is to the left and Troy's room is to the right. Notice they each have a sliding glass door off their back wall that leads to their play room that adjoins their rooms together. What fun for two little boys!

Here is the play room, although I haven't had a chance to organize at all up there, I think it will be a great place for us to play together!




Getting organized!

My room is downstairs and once the boys are all tucked in bed, it's nice to relax and read or watch TV and not have to worry about being quiet.