Life is all about choices. Your choices will always effect others and their choices will effect you. This especially holds true to those closest to you.
Unfortunately, through a series of choices Daniel has chosen, he has decided to no longer participate in this family. My entire world came crashing down as his choice was imparted on me. As I wade through this process, I start to think back to the past and play the "what if" game and to the present thinking about how I will manage to get out of bed in the morning, and then to the future on how the boys will grow up. I wonder where God is in all of this, why isn't He saving this marriage, why am I being punished? But the bottom line is this...We live in a fallen world full of sin, and God is NOT punishing me, He is carrying me. Every morning that I open my eyes I feel His strength helping me get out of bed and make my boys breakfast. Not a day goes by that I am not in disbelief for what I am dealing with and wonder how I will get through the day, and then night time comes and I did, in fact, make it through, but not without the help of God. And here is where MY choice comes into play. I will choose to follow Him through this valley, and keep my eyes so focused on His plan for me that I will not even entertain the shadows of lies that the devil tries to flash before me. I have found a song that I love listening to and wanted to share the lyrics, it's by Mike's Chair...
Don’t know where to begin
It's like my worlds caving in
And I try but I can't control my fear
Where do I go from here
Sometimes it's so hard to pray
When You feel so far away
but I am willing to go where You want me to
God I Trust You
There's a raging sea
Right in front of me
Wants to pull me in
Bring me to my knees
So let the waters rise
If You want them to
I will follow You
I will follow You
I will always choose to follow God! So as I continue into this unknown territory I will bury my head into Him who gives me strength and hang on tightly to see what is on the other side of this valley.
8 comments:
What a beautiful post and what insight God has given you into his character. My heart breaks for you and you are in my prayers. I really can't imagine how you get up each morning either. Isn't God Faithful?!!
Well written. I love how you said that God is carrying you, that's perfect. I love you
I just heard this and had to share "God specializes in resurecting that which is dead". However that applies to you right now I'm not sure but I wanted to share it.
Brittany,
You and the boys are in my daily prayers. You are so strong just to wake up everyday, get out of bed, and take care of your boys. I don't know that I could even do that. You must be feeling so many emotions right now, but it is awesome that you are laying it all at the feet of the Lord. You WILL get through this and come out the other side a stronger person. I will continue to pray for you.
Jen
I know these words only scratch the surface of expressing your pain, but you wrote them in a way that at least gives us a glimpse. I am so proud how you are letting Him live and love through you, even in the darkest of valleys. Love you Brit.
This is so sad, yet so inspiring. I hope you and Daniel are restored.
I know you will prevail but my prayers are will you through the times of struggle
My heart goes out to you, and I will definitely be keeping you in my prayers.
If you ever feel like just getting out of the house, Ava and I would love for you and the boys to come over and visit.
Post a Comment