Saturday, January 30, 2010

Purple flowers

Thinking back, every boyfriend I have ever had has always given me purple flowers of some sort. Purple is my favorite color and lavender roses are just so beautiful, but receiving purple flowers of any kind is so special to me.

As the boys and I get situated in our new surroundings we have gone exploring a few times, looking for new parks and trails to walk on. We headed down one path with a park in site pretty far up ahead and, of course, Troy blasts off on his bike ahead of me. I take that time to enjoy my surroundings in quiet as I push Teague in the stroller, while keeping an eye on my super hero on wheels ahead of us. It was a gorgeous day, cool and sunny, but no need for a coat. As I walked, the grass was green, the birds chirping, the sun warm, but then I single purple flower. Against the green grass it was brillant and stood out. I smiled as my heart warmed and I knew it was from God. The entire path ahead was peppered with these purple flowers. I fought back tears and savored the moment quickly as Troy was loudly calling out to me, "Hurry up, Mom."

We deviated off that path and onto another, no flowers. To the park with the swings for Troy to play, no flowers. Until it was time to leave and we returned to the path to take us home and again I enjoyed my gift. It amazes me that God knew I would walk that particular path and decided to surprise me! I picked a few and brought them home in an attempt to keep them alive as a reminder. They were withered within a few hours, but I know I will never forget how special God made me feel on our walk that day.

He is the Author and Creator of romance and love, makes me wonder what He has planned for Valentine's Day?!

Thursday, January 28, 2010


After writing Troy and Teague over and over the other day I decided to shorten it to T and T, and after saying it, it came out as TnT. Here are a few pics of my dynamite boys!

Teague driving

Troy and Bodie sliding

Family fun!

Happy Teague

Tuesday, January 26, 2010

Home is where your heart is

God continues to shower down blessings for me and the boys. We recently moved into a new home. Our new place has more square footage, for less money! Only God can do that! My parents came to help, along with the men in my church, the Band of Brothers. Once the men got there it literally took an hour for them to disassemble, load, get to the new place, unload, and reassemble. You would have thought they were professionals! And not one thing was broken!! I am so thankful that I was able to depend on them when my family needed it the most. Here are lots of pictures of the moving process and of the new house!! We love it!

Troy helping out

Some of the Band of Brothers

Some of the youth guys even came out to help.

Chris is always looking for a good time!

Here is the living room with a glimpse of my room, the kitchen and dining, and the office/sitting area.

The boys' rooms are both upstairs. Teague's room is to the left and Troy's room is to the right. Notice they each have a sliding glass door off their back wall that leads to their play room that adjoins their rooms together. What fun for two little boys!

Here is the play room, although I haven't had a chance to organize at all up there, I think it will be a great place for us to play together!

Getting organized!

My room is downstairs and once the boys are all tucked in bed, it's nice to relax and read or watch TV and not have to worry about being quiet.

Wednesday, January 20, 2010

My inbox

I have gotten into the routine of waking up before the boys and reading, praying, and checking my email every morning. At first it was just reading and praying, but as I prayed daily for God to use me each day in someones life I added checking my email to the list because I started to see God working through my inbox in such a great way.

It has blown me away the number of times that God has used my email to talk to me. I have been praying hard for a renewed word from God about my situation, just to make sure that what I have heard is still the path He wants me to take, within 3 days an email came across with exactly what I needed to hear to stay strong. A stranger reads my friend's blog and happened to click on mine and read my story. Her story was the same and she has offered so much help and advice and encouragement all because she reached out and emailed me. On several occasions I wonder 'who is this?' I open the email and they explain how they know me or where we met long ago and want to reconnect or just offer their prayers. It really is unbelievable. I now open my email with anticipation because I never know what God is going to do or who God is going to bring into my life or how He is going to use me in that relationship. When I get an email or a FB message that I'm not 100% sure of who it is, I now smile, because I wonder what is God up to this time? And I know it is a divine arrangement and I am honored He is using me.

One more round

Over the last several days Satan has really bumped up his attempts to bring me out of fellowship with God. But, each time something new happens I am quicker to realize it is Satan and therefore, able to respond to God in the way He wants me to respond...which is only making Satan even more mad.

I have never questioned the existence of Satan and God, as the Bible makes it clear.

Ephesians 6:12
We are not fighting against humans. We are fighting against forces and authorities and against rulers of darkness and powers in the spiritual world.

But I have never seen spiritual warfare so evident in not only my life, but in others around me, too. The pastor from TCAL in Mansfield made a good point. He asked those in ministry, "Are you ready to suffer?" I think Satan takes particular notice of those advancing the Kingdom and tries harder to tear them down.

To be honest, everyday I take a different stance. Sometimes I run and hide behind God and let Him do the fighting.
Psalm 46:1
God is our mighty fortress, always ready to help in times of trouble.

Other days, I take up the sword and fight too.
Ephesians 6:13-17
So put on all the armor that God gives...Let God's saving power be like a helmet and for a sword use God's message that comes from the Spirit.

As I continue to grow closer to God, everyday I fear less and less. God is so powerful and I have always known He is victorious over Satan in the final days, but He is also faithful and victorious over Satan in the present as well! I love the picture that is painted in Revelation 19:11-16...
I looked and saw that heaven was open, and a white horse was there. It's rider was called Faithful and True, and he is always fair when he judges or goes to war. His eyes like flames of fire, and he was wearing a lot of crowns...The rider wore a robe that was covered in blood and he was known as "The Word of God." ...From his mouth a sharp sword went out to attack the nations...

This description of God ignites something in me to keep pushing through!

Over the weekend, my best friend, Laura gave me a CD with a ton of songs she thought would uplift me and she was right!! One of my favorites is called "One more round." I couldn't find it on mixpod, so I will just share the lyrics.

Round one wasn't what I thought it'd be
Round two I'm struggling to breath
3, 4, 5, 6, 7 times I wondered why I stepped inside this ring

I may be knocked down and bruised
But I'm here to tell you
That I may be knocked down but not for the count
So take me one more round
I'll just keep fighting
One more round
You're messing me up but I'm still here

One more round I'll come out swinging
But I know that victory is when
I'm pushing through the pain that tries to feed me lies that I wont reach the end

I may be bloodied and so bruised
But I'm here to tell you
That I may be knocked down but not for the count

Please keep praying, because I'm still fighting!

Friday, January 15, 2010

Who's in control?

I've been thinking alot about how you get through a tragic situation apart from God? Or even simpler, how do you get through life without God. There will be tragedy, we are guaranteed that, so where does that person with no God turn? What hope does that person have? Where do they draw strength from?

I am so thankful that I have God. That I wake up every morning and choose to have God. Oh, I could easily decide I don't need Him and scroll through the commands I want to follow out of the Bible and justify why the others don't apply to me, but then I'm not really following Him, am I? As a friend put it, "Have you ever been there? Jesus confronts you with a truth that requires you to either choose to change your outlook and behavior or to choose to just not follow Him completely any more. I mean, let's be honest. If we pick and choose what parts we will obey and what parts we will ignore, aren't we really just being disobedient across the board?"

I don't always like what He has told me to do and it's not always easy for me to follow Him, but I do have a choice. And in my choice to do the best I can with what He has asked of me, given His strength and grace to help me because I am so weak, I can stand firm in the fact that my efforts will be rewarded.

Psalm 27:13
I would have despaired unless I believed I would see the goodness of the Lord. Wait for the Lord. Be strong and let your heart take courage.

I have to admit, my lack of control is frustrating, but when I look at it from the spiritual realm I can relax with the knowledge that I know who is in control. And thank God daily that it is not me!!

Thursday, January 14, 2010

Missing him

It's been almost a month since Chip passed away. The last few days have reminded me of him alot. An empty peanut butter jar with no long tongue to lick clean, puffs around the high chair that I actually have to sweep up, and brisk cold weather to run in with no companion. Here were the last few photos we took together.

Tuesday, January 05, 2010

Temporary Happiness

I am stealing Tanna's title for today as my own. God had a lesson for me today and when He wants you to learn something it comes at you from all directions and I wanted to share.

As the months have passed the pain has not, I still cry daily. As I focus inward and ask myself why I am crying the answer is this: I am grieving, not for Daniel, not for my marriage, but for me...the old me. The old me wants to get even, be angry and yell, and go find someone I "deserve". But that is not of Christ and so I must die to those desires. A wise friend told me there will be lots of deaths on this journey and she is so right! And as I die to myself everyday it is so painful.

Romans 6:16
Don't you know you are slaves to anyone you obey? You can be slaves of sin and die, or you can be obedient slaves of God and be acceptable to Him.

For 30 years I was the slave to my selfish desires, and now to totally throw that out the window is hard. I have to form a new habit! My desire for temporary happiness is almost overwhelming at times, but as Tanna's blog quotes "Don't trade in what you want most for what you want at the moment!" My heart's desire is to please God and bless others and I will strive to accomplish that daily and by giving in to temptation to act in any other way will only bring a moment of happiness.

I also received this passage of text from a friend out a book she is reading which hits on the same topic I think.

"One of the growing believer's most difficult tests is to endure suffering while a reversionist (a believer who is running so fast from God that his lifestyle is not distinguishable from an unbeliever) prospers. The reversionist's prosperity may be blessing by association: it may be pseudoblessing from Satan's resources as the ruler of the world. Or, it may be designed specifically by God to test the growing believer. Will he get his eyes on the reversionist and become jealous? Will antagonism or bitterness neutralize his own spiritual dynamics? Will pressure cause him to seek overt prosperity rather than continue spiritual advance? Or will he say with Job, "Though he slay me, yet I will trust in Him" (Job 13:15, KJV)? Satan is keenly interested in the outcome of this testing. God, too, is certainly interested, but the believer is the winner. He develops an application of doctrine that binds him to the mast more securely than ever before! matter what the source of the reversionist's prosperity, his lack of capacity destroys any possibility of enjoying what he has.......the reversionist is certainly no one to envy."

I think this poses a question of what am I going to do? How am I going to handle it? Will I give in for temporary happiness...


Friday, January 01, 2010


I am sure it doesn't surprise anyone that I am glad to see 2009 in the past. I think Teague would be the only good thing that 2009 produced for me. Although the personal transformation I have encountered is something I would never trade in, the series of events that lead to that transformation are ones I would have never chosen. Good thing God is in charge!!

As I think back over 2009 many of my actions were driven by fear; fear of the unknown, fear of failure, fear of loss. Ultimately, the root of my fear was a lack of faith. I think I can say I have had some sort of faith pretty much my whole life. I can think back and see jumps in my faith, like when I started working with the youth at the Heights before we moved, and then when we made the move to be closer to family in blind faith that God wanted us here and would work out the details...and He did. Each jump strengthen my faith, but I would say it was still a small faith and I was still operating out of fear. In John it is written, "perfect love casts out fear." My fear was hindering me from experiencing God's perfect love for me, but not anymore.

A few weeks back in church we talked about two different mindsets toward God and money, scarcity and abundance. Scarcity being 'I've been given this much and I must be careful with it,' and the opposite is abundance; 'This is all God's and I will give it away how He leads me to, expecting Him to take care of me.' I think this mentality can be used in life in general though, not just with money. For 30 years I have had the scarcity mentality using caution and commonsense and fear in place of God's spoken Word to me and that has resulted in a small faith in the God of this universe. So 2010 will be the beginning of daily changing that habit of thinking small when it comes to God. This will be the start of an abundance mentality, and not of material things, but to see every situation as God sees it and not the world.

As I opened my devotional this morning to visit with God, I was assured that my abundance mentality is exactly what He is asking of me! Let me share what I read...

Isaiah 40:31
But those who trust in the Lord will find new strength. They will soar high on wings like eagles. They will run and not grow weary. They will walk and not faint.

My Beloved Bride,
I know your heart longs to dream. Don't lose sight of your hope, My beloved; I placed that passion inside you to do something great while you are reigning here on earth. I want to be the one to lift you up in My appointed time. If you are willing to wait on Me, I will take you to a place where dreams come true. Let Me be the one who gives you your wings, My Bride. I alone can lift you higher than you could ever fly on your own. You will see the world from a whole new point of view when you soar with Me.
Your Prince who lifts you up

This year I will soar with Him!