Thursday, March 31, 2011

Happy Birthday, Teague

Happy Birthday, Sweet Teague!!



I was able to spend lunch with Teague and his friends at his daycare center. I brought cup cakes for all of them to eat after their lunch, but most of them just ate the icing off the top. Mrs. Dawn even gave Teague a little gift.

Of course, Teague picked out a ball for his birthday so I had to get him the Thomas the train one.

Tuesday, March 29, 2011

Teague's friend party

We had a party at the park with all of Troy and Teague's friends for yet another birthday celebration for my baby!! We all had a blast!

Sunday, March 27, 2011

Teague's Day out with Thomas

This weekend we were able to go back to my parent's house and do another birthday weekend for Teague. (He just may think the whole month of March is designated for his birthday!) Saturday was the Day out with Thomas event and the boys had so much fun! There was a bounce house, tattoo booth, sand pit to play in, a magic show and even a petting zoo. The petting zoo was definitely my favorite and the boys were not scared of anything in there. They had bunnies, ducks, goats, pot belly pigs, chickens, mini donkeys and a cow. The train ride was a lot of fun too. Once we got on, they played the Thomas theme song and the Engineer came by and shook all the kids' hands. It was a 20 minute train ride and the boys loved looking out the window the whole time. As we got off the train, they were given Jr. Engineer certificates which will be great keepsakes. It's hard to believe Teague will be 2 this week, but I know he won't forget this experience!!

Teague petting a goat

Troy petting a miniature pot belly pig.

In the bounce house

Both of them got James tattoos on their "big muscles!"

Sir Topham Hatt

On the train!

One tired little boy!!

Thursday, March 17, 2011

Adventure #3

There were several factors that went into deciding that is was best for me to take a step back from Chris and I's relationship, but one of the major ones was that I am wanting to make sure that I am coming through the grieving process/healing stages of the divorce in a healthy way. So I decided to start on Adventure #3, DivorceCare.

It's a 13 week course that has a video lesson and then discussion afterwards. After the first session, I was a little hesitant about me being in the group. Where I am coming up on the two year mark this summer, most of the members are right in the middle of it. I wasn't sure I really wanted to relive all the pain, but then again, if I could help someone else or even make sure I haven't missed an area of healing, I would want to do that. So I have decided to keep going.

Last night was session 2 and we discussed all the feelings that go along with all the losses. Unfortunately, I didn't just lose my spouse, but also my hopes and dreams, my stay at home mom status, my in-laws, my identity as a married woman, my hopes and dreams for my children. Each one of those has a ton of emotions within it and working through each of those is imperative in the healing process. At the end of the session they assured all of us that eventually we would start to go an hour without thinking about the situation, then maybe two hours, then a day or two and so on. I can remember when that started happening. When I did in fact go an hour without thinking of it, it surprised me because I was starting to see that there is light at the end of the tunnel. I left there feeling proud that I had faced those feelings in a way that got me to a healthy place. I am very much a follower and I sometimes wonder if I am going through the healing process "right". I look to others and see what they did, but truth is, it's different for everyone, and hearing that little bit of info, made me proud that I did, in fact, deal with it appropriately, even though I tend to doubt myself, and now can say that it's not a topic that comes to my mind too often.

At any point, it's possible to get stuck in one of the grieving stages and I am thankful that I reached out to God and that He brought me through them and to the other side! It's a miracle and really being in that group makes me feel more in awe of what an awesome God I serve. I remember where I was two years ago, I see the others cry and hurt and I cry too because I can feel their pain, but also because I have come so far. It changed me. He changed me and I'm thankful for that season in my life.

Tuesday, March 15, 2011

Spring Break

The first half of Spring Break was my time with the boys and we went to visit my family and friends. We were able to spend time with all my family and even an afternoon with Tanna and Laura and their kids.

Troy will be on a soccer team in a few weeks so we went and bought him his cleats, shin guards and a new ball. I don't think he has taken off his equipment in 3 days. He loves practicing and telling everyone he is going to play soccer.

Teague playing peek-a-boo outside while brother practices.
My grandma also came into town to celebrate Teague's birthday a little early. Of course, he loved the cake again this year and was pretty into opening his own presents!

At our playdate with Tanna and Laura and the kids, all the kids played really well together. The three of us actually did a little more talking than mothering, so that was a step up from last time where it felt like all we did was tend to our children and there was no time to sit and visit.

Lastly, it was time to take the boys for the bi-annual dental check up so that concluded our spring break time together. Troy has been to the dentist before so I told him how important is was to set a good example for Teague, since this was his first time. They both did great and got their token at the end to choose a prize.

So now on to the latter half of the week which will be ME time!! I have no plans and kind of like it that way! I'm sure I will find something to do with all my time, productive or not!

Monday, March 14, 2011

And the questions begin

I'm not sure if it's because Troy is getting older by the second or if being in school has made him see the differences in families or what, but lately the questions about our family life have started to increase. It breaks my heart when I hear the following...

Why doesn't daddy come home with us?
Don't you miss daddy?
Why don't we have a daddy at our house?
If we go back to the old house will daddy come back?

I knew the day would come when he would want to know what happened between me and Daniel and I pray for that a lot, so that I have the right words and the right spirit behind those words, but just over the last week or so I have noticed these questions are becoming more thoughtful and more frequent. It's hard to believe he even remembers Daniel and I together and I am sure he innately knows we are supposed to be together, since that is how God created it.

I answer him the best I know how without discounting his feelings, but every time I hear one of these sweet innocent questions my anger and pain seem to return. For some reason, if you hurt me, it's fine, but to hurt my kids is something I have a hard time letting go of. (guess that is the momma bear instinct all moms have) I know in my heart God makes beauty from ashes and can heal their hearts and make this circumstance something that makes them into better men, but for right now, it's still hard to watch my babies hurt and question...and to know there is nothing I can do to make it better.

Wednesday, March 02, 2011

Wordless Wednesday...kinda

During recess today a few of the girls in my class brought me a little bouquet of flowers they had picked off the playground. Wouldn't you know there were purple! It made me smile. Only God could remind me of His unfailing love by shoving purple flowers in my face by the hands of 4 year olds. When I started looking around I noticed a ton of purple flowers and in different varieties, I just wasn't looking before. Sometimes I wonder how God has time for anyone else because He is always taking care of and spoiling me. ;)