And the questions begin

I'm not sure if it's because Troy is getting older by the second or if being in school has made him see the differences in families or what, but lately the questions about our family life have started to increase. It breaks my heart when I hear the following...

Why doesn't daddy come home with us?
Don't you miss daddy?
Why don't we have a daddy at our house?
If we go back to the old house will daddy come back?

I knew the day would come when he would want to know what happened between me and Daniel and I pray for that a lot, so that I have the right words and the right spirit behind those words, but just over the last week or so I have noticed these questions are becoming more thoughtful and more frequent. It's hard to believe he even remembers Daniel and I together and I am sure he innately knows we are supposed to be together, since that is how God created it.

I answer him the best I know how without discounting his feelings, but every time I hear one of these sweet innocent questions my anger and pain seem to return. For some reason, if you hurt me, it's fine, but to hurt my kids is something I have a hard time letting go of. (guess that is the momma bear instinct all moms have) I know in my heart God makes beauty from ashes and can heal their hearts and make this circumstance something that makes them into better men, but for right now, it's still hard to watch my babies hurt and question...and to know there is nothing I can do to make it better.