Thursday, May 13, 2010

Plan B

Ok, so a few days have passed and I have had a chance to formulate my thoughts. This post may still be all over the place, but I hope you get the gist of where my heart is.

2 Timothy 4:7
I have fought the good fight, I have finished the race, I have kept the faith.

I feel like the divorce is bittersweet. Yes, it is sad that my marriage has come to an end and my family is broken, but the man I have been legally married to for the last 8 months is not the man that I married years ago. So, in a way, I feel relief; a sense of freedom. I fought to sustain my marriage, I honored my vows and I not only kept the faith, but I grew my faith! So now that the race is over I will hang up my wedding ring and look towards the future.

By the divine arrangement of God, a friend sent me a book to read called 'Plan B'. I am only about half way into it, but the timing was perfect. The front cover reads "What do you do when God doesn't show up the way you thought He would?" And as I stare down the path that doesn't look so paved anymore I find myself asking that very question. I was so sure God was going to... or maybe He would...or He might even... As I look back on all those assumptions I realize I was still putting God in a box with my finite mind. Again, where is my abundant mind set that I started with as the year 2010 opened? So, I will resolve to adopt that mind set, yet again, and give God the freedom to work however He wishes.

As I think about my Plan B and giving God complete control, I remember a book I read in college titled 'When God writes your love story'. The theme was preparing yourself for a Godly spouse and also choosing a Godly mate, and I spent a year or so reading and studying this topic to be ready to be the wife God called me to be. Even as I write this I hear Satan whisper, "that didn't work out too well for you, did it?", but I also hear God say, "I can not force anyone to love Me, and I work all for good". But anyways, I will once again put the pen into the hand of the Author of romance for Him to script the next chapter in my love story. In most novels there is that moment of sadness and then the rest of the book is building up to the happy ending!

As I think about my "happy ending" my first thoughts go to getting remarried. But that would imply I needed a man to be happy or even to complete this story. Now, don't get me wrong, I can't wait to have someone to spoil and love and adore, but that doesn't make my happy ending, that's just icing on the cake. Isn't the happy ending being released from a marriage where the head of my family is behaving like an non-believer, isn't the happy ending being available to move forward with Christ with nothing holding me back? I never would have choosen this route, but here I am in Plan B and God has done nothing but protect me every step of the way, so my happy ending is now!! I know I will have the love story I dream about and the man that will serve as head of our family just as Christ is, I just have to wait for it and be confident that God knows my heart and has given me the desires in my heart.

I want to thank all of you that have been following the blog and me the boys through this. Your prayers and support have been invaluable! I hope that you will continue to check in on us from time to time because I would hate for you all to miss the next chapter God is busy writing.

9 comments:

Brie said...

I love your last sentence....God is writing it. I'm praying
that the book will minister to your soul. I think they have a bible study version available too...maybe you leading a Plan B bible study down the road???
I can't imagine the difficulty of it all...but I do agree being consumed by God's love for you is the happy ending he desires for all of us!

Nikki McCallum said...

The next chapter of your life will not always be easy, but I really feel that something amazing is in store for you. Your constant faith is so inspiring to someone who has somehow lost theirs over the years. This is only the beginning of something beautiful for you.

Anonymous said...

Perfectly said. I think there are many times in our life when Plan B is actually better than we could have ever imagined. Love you and the boys!

Anonymous said...

Lots of love and prayers being sent your way!
Rachel

Lyndsey Newton said...

I thought of you when I heard about that book. I pray that the icing on your cake is to find someone who will SPOIL, LOVE and ADORE---YOU! You deserve it! You are about to embark on a new journey--your faith is an inspriation to me and so many others....those babies of yours are so lucky to call you "Mom"...

Anonymous said...

You and the boys are in our prayers. -Javier

pammy said...

I, too, have read Plan B. God's plan was Plan A all along. We are the ones that think it is a back-up plan. Read Jeremiah 29:11 every single day along with others. You will look back on all this someday (no matter how it all turns out) and say "Thank you Father, for having my best interest at heart and thank you for a life blessed since you've always got my back."

Grace said...

I was thinking of Jeremiah 29:11 when I read this post and, there someone had mentioned it to you!

Jeremiah 29:11 - For I know the plans I have for you, declares the LORD, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.

Grace said...

Brittany--I have no idea why my husband's name, Jeff, is showing up as my identity. I keep trying to change it and it won't change! There was no Jeff, it was me, Grace, from the gym :).