Adventure #3

There were several factors that went into deciding that is was best for me to take a step back from Chris and I's relationship, but one of the major ones was that I am wanting to make sure that I am coming through the grieving process/healing stages of the divorce in a healthy way. So I decided to start on Adventure #3, DivorceCare.

It's a 13 week course that has a video lesson and then discussion afterwards. After the first session, I was a little hesitant about me being in the group. Where I am coming up on the two year mark this summer, most of the members are right in the middle of it. I wasn't sure I really wanted to relive all the pain, but then again, if I could help someone else or even make sure I haven't missed an area of healing, I would want to do that. So I have decided to keep going.

Last night was session 2 and we discussed all the feelings that go along with all the losses. Unfortunately, I didn't just lose my spouse, but also my hopes and dreams, my stay at home mom status, my in-laws, my identity as a married woman, my hopes and dreams for my children. Each one of those has a ton of emotions within it and working through each of those is imperative in the healing process. At the end of the session they assured all of us that eventually we would start to go an hour without thinking about the situation, then maybe two hours, then a day or two and so on. I can remember when that started happening. When I did in fact go an hour without thinking of it, it surprised me because I was starting to see that there is light at the end of the tunnel. I left there feeling proud that I had faced those feelings in a way that got me to a healthy place. I am very much a follower and I sometimes wonder if I am going through the healing process "right". I look to others and see what they did, but truth is, it's different for everyone, and hearing that little bit of info, made me proud that I did, in fact, deal with it appropriately, even though I tend to doubt myself, and now can say that it's not a topic that comes to my mind too often.

At any point, it's possible to get stuck in one of the grieving stages and I am thankful that I reached out to God and that He brought me through them and to the other side! It's a miracle and really being in that group makes me feel more in awe of what an awesome God I serve. I remember where I was two years ago, I see the others cry and hurt and I cry too because I can feel their pain, but also because I have come so far. It changed me. He changed me and I'm thankful for that season in my life.