Monday, June 21, 2010

The problem with planning

I am a planner. I love having a schedule and a timeline and keeping a calandar. Maybe it's because I enjoy having things to look forward to or maybe it's just because I like to have control. But I've once heard, "The greatest illusion is the illusion of control."

It's been almost a year since my life was turned upside down. The whole ordeal was especially hard because I had absolutely no control in any respect, but now that it's over I thought I would gain some control back. I would be in charge of me and the boys, my job, my home, my ministry; everything would be "under control", and then I could start to think about dating. Wow... dating!! That's a scary word to type, much less say. I never thought I would be here, but here I am so I will plan, because that's what I do. I thought about a timeline; when's the "proper" time to start dating? I thought about my reputation; what will people think of me for dating at all? I thought about the boys; when is the right time to introduce them to someone I am dating? All these thoughts lead to plans and schedules and... safety.

I started off 2010 wanting to live in God's abundance; feel free to go back and read that blog. And once again, I am putting God in a box with my timelines and schedules. I know He is the Author, but for some reason I feel the need to continually pull the pen out of His hands and want to write my own version of "life". Just a 30 year habit I am going to have to continue to make an effort to break, I guess. He has been faithful to close doors and open doors at the right time, even when I am screaming at Him that He doesn't know what He is doing. And now, as I start to think about dating, I find a door opening that doesn't quite fit the mold I had or the timeline I hold.

This wasn't in my plans.

So, do I hold fast to my schedule and possibly miss something great, or do I let go and let God?


Precious Moments said...

Well said. In the past I would have been all about my plan, but I am SO learning that Gods plan is so much bigger than any plan we could come up with ya know. I say toss your plan and let God work. He has been known to do some magical things :)

Brie said...

Gods plan. I imagine it may be scary though
talk to Kristi.

Jenna said...

My pastor did a sermon a couple of weeks ago about all of this and there were some great things I got from the sermon. One of them is "God doesn't care about time but he does care about timing." You hit the nail on the head when you said you try to fit God into your box of a timeline and it's easy for us to do because we are all on a timeline constantly. God does things when they are right. From Jason and I's perspective, when the right person comes along, it will all work out. He will be great with your boys, they will love him, and you two will love and appreciate each other. I am praying for you, girl!