I am a planner. I love having a schedule and a timeline and keeping a calandar. Maybe it's because I enjoy having things to look forward to or maybe it's just because I like to have control. But I've once heard, "The greatest illusion is the illusion of control."
It's been almost a year since my life was turned upside down. The whole ordeal was especially hard because I had absolutely no control in any respect, but now that it's over I thought I would gain some control back. I would be in charge of me and the boys, my job, my home, my ministry; everything would be "under control", and then I could start to think about dating. Wow... dating!! That's a scary word to type, much less say. I never thought I would be here, but here I am so I will plan, because that's what I do. I thought about a timeline; when's the "proper" time to start dating? I thought about my reputation; what will people think of me for dating at all? I thought about the boys; when is the right time to introduce them to someone I am dating? All these thoughts lead to plans and schedules and... safety.
I started off 2010 wanting to live in God's abundance; feel free to go back and read that blog. And once again, I am putting God in a box with my timelines and schedules. I know He is the Author, but for some reason I feel the need to continually pull the pen out of His hands and want to write my own version of "life". Just a 30 year habit I am going to have to continue to make an effort to break, I guess. He has been faithful to close doors and open doors at the right time, even when I am screaming at Him that He doesn't know what He is doing. And now, as I start to think about dating, I find a door opening that doesn't quite fit the mold I had or the timeline I hold.
This wasn't in my plans.
So, do I hold fast to my schedule and possibly miss something great, or do I let go and let God?